This loss was such an agonizing thing for me. I lost not only my mom but the person who understood me the best and who listened to me and offered me understanding and unconditional love. Don't think she didn't call me on it when I was being a whiny bitch, she did, but she did it in a such a way that it was okay.
The thing is that her passing actually made it easier to connect with my dad. We had always been at odds and she was able to mediate the issues between us. She made it easier for us to deal. When she was gone we had to deal face to face and while initially that was excruciatingly difficult in time we were able to connect. This was the one good thing to come of her passing.
In January it is 19 years since my mommy has been gone, the last time I felt her presence was about a month after she was gone, I felt her rubbing my back as she often did when she came in to wake me up. She told me it was time, I just lay there reveling in the feel of her hand on my back. I'd really like to find my mama again.
Go give your mama a hug and if you don't have her go give your daddy a hug in her place.
