At what point in your adult life do you move on from the insecurities and uncertainties of your youth? Really, by what age should your life path be certain? Your 30's or 40's? Your 50's maybe or by then is it too late and you are stuck with what if's and regrets?
It seems like we spend most of our time trying to chase an ideal that society tells us that we should own. That we should be enjoying the fruits of an expensive college education, have a burgeoning successful career, happy home life and a retirement account that will sustain us in the lifestyle we've become accustomed too.
Let me tell you, trying to get there, is like trying to rope the wind.
Me, I'm a late bloomer, always have been and I don't think I'm going to make it and I'm okay with that.
Sort of.
Spent most of my twenties trying to finish college and never did. Spent my thirties working as an office manager and full charge bookkeeper of a small but successful commercial construction company, made decent money and for the most part enjoyed my time there. Got married at 40, had my first baby at 42, at 43 quit my job to be his mother. Had my second at 45 and am now wondering what in the heck am I doing?! It's got me thinking I should have, or shouldn't have done this or that or the other. But there's no going back.
The coming of the new year is supposed to be filled with promise and the opportunity for a better future, a clean slate as some have said. But I find myself faced with yet another year of seasonal work for my husband and our family. He is tired and frustrated and we all are facing an uncertain future. I am full of anxiety and worrying about things that I have no control over and wondering why I can't control the things I do or should have control of. Thinking we should have done something different, wishing away what is instead of trying to make do with what we have. On one hand I am so grateful for God's provision and on the other I am worrying that it's not enough.
AM I NUTS?!
When has God's provision ever not been enough?!
My Grandma used to call worrying "borrowing trouble". And you know what. She was right. So today I am going to try to enjoy the gift of another ordinary day and let God take care of tomorrow.
I'm also going to quit "shoulding" all over myself.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about its own things.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Matthew 6:34
7 comments:
i love you auntie! thanks for your honesty and the reminder of a great little saying - i will also make efforts to stop "borrowing trouble"
I hear you sidney! My moto is the song that Don Moen sings. I turn it up real loud and let it seep into my mind and spirit. "God will make a way where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me. He will be my guide hold me closely to His side. With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way, He will make a way! Hang in there. PS what does your husband do?
Anita, for the last couple of years in the summers he has driven a dump truck and in the winters plowed snow. Winters are hardest 'cuz there's not always snow to be plowed.
Love you to Jacqui!
-Sydney
Syd, I'm right there with you. Appreciate your honesty and heart. We don't have many things we can control - even if we have a job, even if we have retirement - it could all be gone in a blink of an eye. Which could create an anxious, panic ridden life no matter what - so the having doesn't necessarily mean it stops the worry.
What can I control
- my thoughts
"not borrowing trouble" :)
"learning to be content with little or much"
... etc.
- my beliefs
"I serve a good God."
"continuing to trust that God's provision is enough"
"Praying for wisdom and learning to hear God's voice."
... etc.
Good for you to quit shoulding - I'm in that process too. For me it creates resentment. When I understand all my choices - even if I choose the "should" I can take responsibility for the choice instead of being shamed into doing it. SO Freeing!
Love you!
Leila
Letting go of the worry is so important, yet so incredibly difficult to do as well. We all have burdens in all different forms that we have to let go and give to God. None of us can control the future. Just know that God knows every page in your story. He has written every word, and while the fear of tomorrow can overtake us, nothing will shock Him off the throne. He loves us and will be our protection for our future.
You know, these last two Sundays we have gone to a church that we've not been to before. My husband was not preaching, so we needed to find somewhere to go. We went someplace that's 'different' for us, out of our normal. Anyway, after the first message, my husband looked at me and said, "Are you wearing a target?" Then this week, he just laughed through the entire service. He was laughing at me. It was like the man preaching was living in my house and hearing EVERY word I said this week.
Bottom line. I'm exchanging my burdens for God's peace. Period. I will set my mind on him and his atributes. God has a plan and I am following even if it makes NO sense to me. I'm enjoying today and not worrying about tomorrow.
Loved this post. It was very timely. For me anyway. ;-) Surround yourself with those will encourage you. It helps.
God is good and He has your best interest in mind. It's a new year, there's no telling what God will do for you this year. It's exciting!
Sorry, I just wrote a post myself. Have a Happy Monday!!!
-FringeGIrl
I think satan loves to get us worried that we're missing the boat or we're not getting everything we're supposed to out of life. The one thing I've learned in 40+ (never mind how many) years is that there is no "normal". Normal is different for everyone, and if you're living the life God has for you, than it doesn't get any better than that. : )
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