At what point in your adult life do you move on from the insecurities and uncertainties of your youth? Really, by what age should your life path be certain? Your 30's or 40's? Your 50's maybe or by then is it too late and you are stuck with what if's and regrets?
It seems like we spend most of our time trying to chase an ideal that society tells us that we should own. That we should be enjoying the fruits of an expensive college education, have a burgeoning successful career, happy home life and a retirement account that will sustain us in the lifestyle we've become accustomed too.
Let me tell you, trying to get there, is like trying to rope the wind.
Me, I'm a late bloomer, always have been and I don't think I'm going to make it and I'm okay with that.
Spent most of my twenties trying to finish college and never did. Spent my thirties working as an office manager and full charge bookkeeper of a small but successful commercial construction company, made decent money and for the most part enjoyed my time there. Got married at 40, had my first baby at 42, at 43 quit my job to be his mother. Had my second at 45 and am now wondering what in the heck am I doing?! It's got me thinking I should have, or shouldn't have done this or that or the other. But there's no going back.
The coming of the new year is supposed to be filled with promise and the opportunity for a better future, a clean slate as some have said. But I find myself faced with yet another year of seasonal work for my husband and our family. He is tired and frustrated and we all are facing an uncertain future. I am full of anxiety and worrying about things that I have no control over and wondering why I can't control the things I do or should have control of. Thinking we should have done something different, wishing away what is instead of trying to make do with what we have. On one hand I am so grateful for God's provision and on the other I am worrying that it's not enough.
AM I NUTS?!
When has God's provision ever not been enough?!
My Grandma used to call worrying "borrowing trouble". And you know what. She was right. So today I am going to try to enjoy the gift of another ordinary day and let God take care of tomorrow.
I'm also going to quit "shoulding" all over myself.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about its own things.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."